Tuesday 23 November 2010

Post Script.

Given the day I just explained, I think it "adds texture" (I think that's what they call it) if I mention a couple of other little snippets.

As I expected, no-one has asked how I am or come for a chat.

A friend of mine was just transferred up to this ward too. There's a spare bed in her bay and we asked if I could move in there. They said no.

Then, just a moment ago, I buzzed to say that my painkillers were due again. The nurse actually told me that I might have to wait a while, as they were in the middle of handover. I literally had to bite my tongue to stop myself turning the air blue before destroying her with withering scorn.

That's the toughest bit of all. If I complain or get rude, they decide I'm aggressive and take even longer. I literally have no choice but to dredge up a smile and tell her how grateful (eurggh, the word almost sticks in my throat) I'd be if she could manage to get it on time.

I'm in a danger zone now. If I'm not careful, I will start to feel every insult, resent every mistake, notice every failure. I will descend into a moaning, angry, demented woman on the edge, and that won't help anything.


  1. Again - I know this place, and it's a hard place to be. One begins to feel that they are deliberately withholding pain medication and the great pain will never end. I don't know whether you have a faith or not, but I *am* praying for you!

  2. I do Dona and your prayers are happily received.
    I think the problem is one of translation.

    "Painkillers" should actually read "drugs"
    "Pain" should read "addiction"
    "Patient" should read "junkie".

    Once you know this simple rule, and translate my posts accordingly, it all reads very differently.

  3. My YG guesstimate for tonight Sue,

    40% blue
    38% red
    11% yellow

  4. I don't understand why you're not on a patient controlled analgesic (PCA) device...(you just give yourself a squirt whenever you need it - it means you're hooked up to a device all the time but it sounds like it would be a lot easier to deal with) don't they have a pain team in the hospital who are willing to come and look at you? There MUST be a pain nurse specialist - they mostly deal with acute post-op pain not chronic pain but it is Addenbrookes FFS...

  5. I like moaning, demented women when they have something to moan and dement about.

    Seriously though, it is abusive to just leave you without pain relief ... where's the union!