Sunday 7 November 2010

Last Hoorah!

I have decided to give in to the inevitable and go into hospital next week.

The pattern goes, two or three weeks having tests to find exactly where the blockages are. (Tubes up my nose, tubes up my bum, tubes down my throat, pumping me full of barium for the cameras to follow.....)

Then, a week or so for the surgeon to appear (great illusive hero of the hour) and schedule the operation.

Then a psychedelic, surreal week of anaesthetic highs, unspeakable pain, opiate blankets and gritted teeth determination to walk, shower and defecate before they'll let me go home.

Bang on a month usually. 130 miles from home, no visitors. No kids. And, (watch this space) what will the "event" be? There's always an event. The wrong drugs? An evil nurse? A stroke? A seizure? Crash trolley dramas with sprinting experts?

I'm probably not as ill as I have been on admission before, but if I don't go now, Xmas will start to loom and nothing in this world will keep me away from Dave and the kids over Xmas. I was in for December once before. Some time during the week before Xmas, Kings College choir came to each and every bay of every ward and sang to us. It was quite magical and totally unforgettable.

So today, sod the liquid diet and being sensible. I have dressed myself up, done my hair, put on make up. Who is that looking back at me? I literally don't recognise her. You would never know there was a thing wrong. I'm going to the cinema with my boys and after, we're going for pizza.

I will suffer, but I will treasure ever second, watch my boys entranced faces, hold Dave's hand and try to store every second in my memory for the month to come. The way my toddler smiles, the mess on his chubby pink cheeks as he smears margherita in his hair. The constant stream-of-consciousness chatter of my 6 year old and the joy of just being together, the four of us.


  1. I know the feeling I have no bowel function so everything has to be gravity controlled. I've had all the camera's all the injections all the drugs pumped into so they can see whats going on.

    Even to day I will get rushed back into hospital to be cleaned out if things get blocked.

    My wife is now trained to put in a ventflon and the administering of drugs including morphine.

    Not a great life life is it.

    here wishing you the best.

  2. Sue,
    Having only just discovered your existence, let alone your enviable literary talent, I am very sad to read this. Yesterday I visited a friend who is in hospital. He had a stroke some years ago and is completely paralysed right side with quite severe speech difficulty. Somehow he manages, like you, to maintain a sense of humour, a sense of dignity and keeps his chin up most of the time - even when he is in a French hospital and hardly speaks a word of the language!

    There is something very, very special about people like you and Len (my friend) I am lucky enough not to have suffered such adversity in life, but how I admire your fighting spirit.

    Please take all my good wishes with you and here's hoping the literary endeavours can resume before too long. In the meantime, like so many you have influenced in the past couple of months, we'll continue to rant and rave at the authorities on your behalf.

    Au revoir et à bientôt

    Colin (aka the Old Hack)

  3. Hugs and hope for a wonderful day for you all before you have to go to hospital. Will you be able to get online while you're there? If so twitter can help keep you company & feel less isolated. If not, perhaps we can use twitter to find someone who could visit you while you're in?

    We'll all be thinking of you, sending lots of love & if it's ok with you I'll be reproducing some of your excellent blogs on mine to get to a wider audience? I'll obv credit back.

    Back to GP for me tomorrow. Not been able to reduce omeprazole & the 3-5am vomit/poop call is not making me happy. I'm fairly sure 150mls of gaviscon every 12 hours ain't a good thing either. Still, it's nothing to what you go through & I will be sending lots of positive thoughts your way to get you through this latest admission. Hugs & love, BG Xx

  4. Have a great day Sue. You really are a fighter. Hope no "event" occurs for you in the coming month.

    Take care, and best wishes

    Brian Moylan

  5. Robert, Colin, BG and Brian have said it all really ... I only want to observe that you've got 'bounce' Sue ... you can hold both the reality of the pain and still grab every bit of joy that happens.... in psychotherapeutic terms, very 'evolved'.

    Any "event" that happens now is clearly going to have to deal with the displeasure of a wider circle than before you started writing this blog... so they had better take good care of you!

    and I really like BG's idea of Twitter contacts.

    Syzygy Sue x

  6. I found out about your blog from Socialist Unity, here -
    New Left Blogs
    07 Nov 2010

    Just to let you know I've put up a link to your blog on ME Facebook Groups -

    Casual and informal -
    The M.E. Chat Room

    Britian's leading ME charity, so it claims, but about as useful as a chocolate teapot -
    Action for M.E.

    Take care>

  7. Thanks everyone.

    In case there's any confusion, I will definitely still be blogging from hospital!! If anything I will be MORE annoying as boredom sets in, lol.

    It's funny, I always wanted to blog a hospital stay and now I can. Things are SO much better these days, but some of the stories over the years would literally make your hair curl.

    It will be an interesting "line in the sand" too. The last time Labour policy still affects the stay, before Tory cuts set in.

    Thanks for all the lovely comments though xx

    Joe - Thank you so much. I keep finding links to my blog all over the web, which is very exciting and flattering. I've had many ME sufferers comment on here and my niece has ME so I know how frustrating it can be to get treatment and an understanding Doctor.

  8. Hi Sue......You are an awesome lady, best wishes to you and your family during the next few weeks. Will you be out for Christmas ? :-)

  9. Thanks Ken. Funny, I was just going back to mention Xmas as I realised that was the whole point of explaining that it always took around a month to hoover me out and set me free.

    Bolly hampers gratefully received!!

  10. Hello Sue, Woodsman from The Other Place here...

    Congratulations on such a brilliant blog. Could literally feel the heat off your DA tirade - and it warmed me, believe me. The care for other people that you reveal is so powerful. And it is this care that has always marked Labour out as different from the other parties in my eyes. Lose that and we lose everything. But I don't believe we have lost it yet....and with you now fighting (and in print too!) how can it be now be lost?!

    And the pizza in the hair brought a tear to my eye.

    Good luck for the hospital stay. Addenbrookes is it? I used to live within sight of it but am now miles and miles from the nearest hospital.

  11. Sue,

    can I echo ken and Colin's words... best wishes


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