I finally got a call last night at about 7pm, saying they had a bed for me. There was no way I could leave there and then, so we've just trudged up the M11 this morning.
On the way up, I'm on edge.
Will the bed still be available? Will I be on a proper bowel ward or squeezed in with the geriatrics or gynae patients? Will the staff be nice?
The biggest fear of all is handing over control. Anyone with a chronic condition will have spent years working out the best regime for them. As soon as you go into hospital, you have to hand over all your medicines and routines to other people and it's horrible. On a good ward now, they will let you "self administer" your drugs, giving an element of control back, but that doesn't include controlled drugs like opiates. Those you have to ask a nurse for and then wait until she has time to find a colleague, draw up the injections and get back to me. Once I'm at this stage, all I really need is regular painkillers and anti-sickness injections. Literally the entire success or failure of my stay will depend upon the attitude towards pain and how busy the staff are.
If you could see me now, you'd laugh. I have my own tea cup, my own teabags, my own blanket and pillow, my laptop, a picture of my boys up on the side - it's a bit like a Travelodge in my bay. As long as they bring me regular tea, feed me and keep me comfy, I'll be no trouble at all......