Sunday, 13 February 2011

I PARTIED!!!

Dave and I have been trying to work out when this last happened, and worryingly, can't find a precedent. I am the one who goes pale at 11 ish, or sneaks off to be sick when no-one's looking or disappears quietly off to bed.

Last night my gorgeous (and embarrassingly young) niece held a cocktail party. We received a charity "old-person's-invite" and amongst much trying on of flouncy frocks, glueing on of false beauty aids and shoe deliberations, I arrived resplendent in feathers (if a little sticky) just as the first cocktail glugged into plastic Tesco champagne glasses, old tumblers and chipped mugs.

Crohn's has a silver lining. What I consider malnourished, society considers desirable, so knobbly giraffe legs and visible hip bones transform from "very bad thing" to "very good thing" in a sparkle of leg glitter and some high sheen 10 deniers. A flat chest simply needs a couple of silicone chicken fillets and the spirit of Victoria Beckham is invoked. Poky out collar bones and xylophone ribs become Audrey Hepburn chic with a carefully chosen teeny-weeny dress and cunningly draped feather boa.

I felt glamorous, happy and (say it very, very quietly) well.

Never before have the planets aligned to ensure such freedom!! Bowels quiet? Check. Nausea absent? Check. Pain gone? Check. Energy? (After hour long pre-party-nap) Check. Drinking potential? Medium to high. Pleasant young people? Check.

I will share the happy news, that I was, for the first time ever, amongst the hard core ordering kebabs at 3am. What's more, my malevolent bowel allowed me to actually eat it, rather than just pretend. I can also confirm that pineapple mojitos and raspberry martinis are very tasty. But then as well people, you probably know that already.

What's more, I even got chatted up by some of the handsome young boys, inflating my ego to levels that could have been unseemly. Dave watched with benevolent pride, all too aware of the pitiful mess they'd have been hitting on a few months ago.

We decided if I become a blogging superstar I shall go for the title of "Paloma Faith of Politics". It would be refreshing and not a little funny to see Paxman or Dimbleby confused by sick-person-who-looks-hot-in-feather-boa-female-talking-politics. There might be some short-circuiting of stuffy old men, which would be amusing.

I was "normal" for a whole night!!! Yayyyyyyyyy.



Paxman-confusing Paloma Faith style Suey surrounded by attentive young boys. No tube up her nose or anything.

18 comments:

  1. Way to go!!! Can't wait to see you on the telly!!

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  2. Are you saying a tube in your nose isn't classy?

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  3. Great for sympathy votes, not so good for glamour, lol

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  4. When I go out I insist on leaving my walking stick behind because I hate the bloody thing. I think people must assume that I am already drunk.

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  5. Wonderful. WONDERFUL! Good for you.

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  6. Hahahahaha, I have same problem when vomiting - people assume too much booze, never consider epic bowel failure.

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  7. Great news, glad you had a good time. Isnt it great when everything aliens and you can do something!

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  8. Shame the photo didn't show your feet - I was hoping for a glimpse of the electric-blue satin with never ending chrome spike heels, but then you probably went with the pink polka dot Jimmy Choos to co-ordinate with the dress... ; )

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  9. I did indeed = but they're Kurt Geigers

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  10. Whoop, so pleased for you.
    Ha, much short-circuiting of stuffy old men at the prospect of a an attractive, glamouorous woman who is also sick talking politics intelligently would indeed be highly amusing. I hope you become a noted blogger and do it. You rock!
    As for a mental, young, female who does-not-look-hot-in-a-feather-boa-though-is-not-unattractive and whose style is more 'social worker' than glamourous...meh, maybe not so amusing!

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  11. It feels good to be fancy sometimes.

    Glad you had fun!

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  12. Sue, tried to post yesterday, but lost it. Just wanted to say I was so pleased for you. Life is for living! Shoes?
    CAPTCHA was blogynet

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  13. PS, Please see today's guardian on DLA cuts.

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  14. No postings since Sunday - did the kebab finally rebel?

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  15. Lol! Glad you had fun. You go girl! etc, etc.

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  16. Late catch-up here but WOW!!! you look utterly fabulous and I adore the dress :-) and congrats on joining the 3 a.m. Kebab Hardcore (should be a new genre of music!). GLAD you got to party and HOPE you get to go get Paxman et al.,

    xJ

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