Monday, 7 February 2011

Spoonie Limitations

Being sick is a long, long learning process. Over the years, things change. You can only do certain things in certain ways. You adapt not just what you do but how you do it. Most importantly, you don't always realise your adapting at all.

The Nadine Dorries of this world who fuel the Daily Mail vitriol of "If you blog you can work" and the Scrounger/Skiver narrative have almost certainly taken time off sick but just can't seem to understand why people who are sick all the time might not be able to work any of the time.

In tribute, here is my own list of "Stuff I wouldn't ever consider doing." It surprised me nearly as much as it might surprise Ms Dorries - genuinely ill people don't like to focus on what they can't do, preferring to focus on what they can.

1) I never hoover - too physical
2) I never change beds - Ditto
3) My response to "shall we go for a walk" is "Huh? Why on earth would I do that?"
4) Take kids to park/ball pit/fair/activity of any kind.
5) Get cold. I'm always so sick, I feel the cold like a lizard in the Arctic.
6) Eat eggs/pasta/additives/anything from Iceland (the shop not the country!)
7) Drink coffee/red wine/beer/spirits
8) Go camping - why on earth would I subject myself to sleeping where there is no toilet? ON THE GROUND???
9) NEVER go anywhere without my meds
10) Indulge in regular shagging - too physical, too internal and too painful
11) Go out with friends unless I'm driving - might need to abort at short notice
12) NEVER go clubbing
13) Avoid Egypt/Africa/India and almost anywhere else for holidays - "Delhi Belly" would probably finish me off
14) Never plan anything before 11am ish - scheduling around the one or two hours I spend in the loo every morning
15) Rarely accept invitations to dinner - WAY too many potential pitfalls
16) Plan things in advance - what's the point?
17) Carry toddler down the stairs
18) Pick up six year old - way beyond me now.
19) Exercise - ROFL
20) Swim - can you imagine having an "accident" in a public swimming pool? The shame.
21) Wear skinny jeans - if you're skinny to begin with Just Say No.
22) Plan for the future - ROFL again
23) Clean/Scrub/Iron
24) Stay up all night
25) Judge others - "Judge no man til you have walked a mile in his shoes"

I'm sure there are many, many more. If I stay clear of them all, I might seem quite "normal" (at least as far as Ms Dorries could tell.) I'd LOVE her to have a go at my "normal" for a few weeks though and tell me if she would have turned up for work at all. Not that she seems to over-tax herself now according to her voting records and attendance at committees


  1. I blog 3 to 4 times a month, each time takes me about 1 hr (depending on photos plus my hubby has to read it as if I just hit publish no one would understand a word I put!).
    If there is a job out there which is 4 hours a month, at home (as travel is impossible for me, cant use bus's and I cant drive plus I haven't been out alone for nearly 5 yrs) then I shall make sure I apply for it!

  2. she can have a go at my normal too...smiles

    hoovering is tempting...I'd love to do some but yeah far too strenuous for me at the moment and has been for quite some is looking pretty bad on the isn't exactly a choice to live in squalor but some people think it least I can still laugh at it...smiles and hugs x