Monday, 17 January 2011

Damned if we do, Damned if we don't

There will always be trolls. (Oh no, just typing the word usually drags two or three from their under-bridge semis.)

You could write that the world will end in 4 minutes and someone will post "4 Minutes? 4 MINUTES? Like I give a bleep you bleeping lazy scrounging bleep. Get a life or die or something. Bleep"

**For what it's worth, trolls are best dealt with through humour. Thanking them for their wisdom annoys them massively too. Most of all, NEVER, EVER feed them. A shadow of anger, a twinge of resentment or (God forbid) a rant of disgust, will just ensure trolldom stalks you forever more. Making a joke about their lack of smarts, small appendages or billy-no-mates lack of social graces will suffice. If your jokes are particularly good, they have been known to self destruct in a spluttering, choking mess of bile. (You can even play the troll game. 10 points for inducing foul language, 20 points if you make them cry and a full 50 for bile splurting self-destruction. Shall we start a league?)

Anyway, a recent curmudgeon prompted much thought amongst us sickies. Are we damned whatever we do?

If we’re humble, we’re victims
If we’re angry, we’re aggressive

If we’re sarcasticly witty (Broken of Britain, Diary of a Benefit Scrounger) We’re still victims

If we’re actively engaged, we ought to get a job
If we aren’t actively engaged, we’re lazy.

We're Damned by the government if we don't work,
Slam-dunked by our conditions if we do.

If we argue, we’re whingeing
If we accept we’re….. yep you guessed it…… victims!!

If we smile too much, we must be fine
If we cry too much we're attention seeking.

If we're glamorous, we ought to be dowdy
If we're dowdy, we ought to be glamorous.

If we're fat we eat too much
If we're thin we ought to eat more.

If we're too clever, we make enemies, 
If we're too deprecating, we might as well be invisible. 

Actually, it's just occurred to me we're a bit like Victorian Laydeez, waiting for the benevolent Government-Darcy to notice us and relent.

Whatever happens, never, ever buy a flatscreen telly/pair of designer shoes/holiday to Morocco or  bottle of champagne. The howls of "taxpayers money" "Oh, they give those out on the state now do they" and "filthy robbing cow" will spoil your breakfast. 

So I say unto you "Rejoice, for a troll doth mean your voice rises against the noise of blah, soaring to prickle and poketh the consciences of men" The more you have, the closer you are to a breakthrough. As the quote at the bottom of my blog says,

"First they ignore you, then they laugh at you, then they fight you, then you win."
Mahatma Gandhi


  1. thanks for the wisdom ;-)
    good post, Sue.

  2. Er, (whispered)
    Better have another look at the reference to Victorians and Jane Austen's character (unless I misunderstood it).

    Yes, you sufferers are expected to do so in silence. Upstarts the lot of you. :-)

  3. Oh so very true, Sue!

    I'd say more but I need to ask my butler to have the gardener send some grapes up to the house ;-)

  4. Troll's can be ugly creatures but underneath they are frightened children, just like us...and believe the fairy tales they are told which makes them appear more evil because their ignorance and intolerance stems from fear...

    God help us if we should deal well with our mental health issues from all the abuse we are receiving, surely that means I am well enough for work...I can smile and I can enjoy my no other choice than be lazy days...well then I must be faking it eh? ;o) x

  5. For most of us when we become sick disabled or both we don't like it but we have to accept it and get on with our lives, we find comping strategies, mine is to look at what I can still do, look at what pleasure I can still get from life and think that it could have been worse. I find things to do. Trolls on the other hand I suspect are the minority who when illness disability or both strike get all angry, become woe is me, can't accept and end up living the rest of their lives in misery and making everyone around them's life a misery. I also suspect the person(s) who came up with ESA would be a troll if they became sick etc etc etc

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  7. I hope I was not too Frankie Boyle with my comment but I do think the only way to deal this situation is a somewhat militant reaction, not as a reaction to trolls, but to wake up the rest of us to the grievance felt by 'benefit scroungers'.

  8. Howard - I love your comments and agree with you 100% - in fact I quote you in a Guardian piece I (hope) will appear later today online, lol.

    We're working on a few ideas, but first we need to unify online rather than using our fragmented voices. One Month before Heartbreak is doing that brilliantly.

    I have a scheme so cunning, you could pin a tail on it and call it a fox (Blackadder) but need to wait a couple of weeks to prepare etc.

    Keep them coming Howard, you are the voice of "Everyman"

  9. Howard, you're in the Guardian! Spot the quote

    Also have the most incredibly, attention grabbing stunt planned - all because of you, so thanks awfully, lol.

  10. All perfectly accurate (as an observation of common attitudes), one observation on top of it...

    Being a victim is apparently a negative reflection on us.

    I mean, that's certainly a drift in language, isn't it?

  11. That was so beautifully written – And so true.

    As for negative critics, (Trolls you call them ;D) just make the most of your life. It’s yours, no one can take it away from you. Except God. And HE doesn’t do that just for kicks!

    We can’t please everyone – No one can, so don’t even try to! Just remain true to yourself. And in your own big/ little way, do something meaningful for yourself, that will also add some value to the community.