Sunday 14 July 2013

Sorry, but we're just going to have to borrow Australia....

I've had the best idea!! I can't believe no-one thought of it before!!

See, it seems we've reached a bit of an impasse. Capitalism is eating and gambling it's way to an early grave and we, pretty much everyone else, are a bit fed up with paying for it. It's getting a bit shaky around the place - Europe, North Africa, The Middle East, we're getting a bit fed up.

Most of us just dream of living in a beautiful village, somewhere where neighbours eat lunch outside in the street on Sundays and everyone brings a plate or a bottle. Where the olives grow or the fish are fresh. We want to listen to music round a campfire and do something we love, while the kids run around having fun.

So I say we try a little experiment. All the hippies and artisans and dreamers and believers and freedom fighters can have Australia. It'll be a bit cramped, but I reckon if we ask nicely, the capitalists'll throw in Portugal, Italy, Spain, Greece and Ireland. Financial basket cases, but some of the nicest places to be on the planet. Win win for Team-Dreamer already!

Actually, there's not much point in the people in Norway, Iceland, Denmark or Holland moving either if they don't want to. Not everyone will be able to bear the heat in Oz and they pretty much sussed this stuff decades ago, just couldn't persuade the Aussies.

But we have more to offer now! We have all the doctors and nurses and teachers, capitalists are hating on them all over the place. We even have the best of the lawyers, committed as they are to justice, and in despair as they witness it's erosion in "democracies" around the world.

We get the people who make things and like things and grow things and cook things and paint things and sing things and write things. We get the lovers and the dreamers and the one's who are fighting, all around the world, right now, for a better way.

Meanwhile, the capitalists get whatever they want whenever they want it. Nothing banned, no laws to curb their excesses, no stupid human rights laws to get in the way. No namby-pamby "justice", no unions moaning on incessantly about "workers rights" No BBC, no state education, no public health service, everything private, everything paid for, everything gleaming! it's a Daily Express wet dream!

Without our bleeding-heart, lentil munching, fluffy-bunny-loving, killjoy moaning holding them back, they can finally get on and shaft each other as hard and as freely as they like. They get all the "most ambitious" bankers and the "ruthless" lawyers and the "go-getting" entrepreneurs. They get the CEOs and Media Moguls and Traders and Hedge Fund Managers. The "successes", Mr Big, Mr Flash AND they don't have to mix with rif-raf like us any more! Win win Team-Wanters!! (Careful how you say it ;) They get the private trains and the private care homes and the private schools. They get MacDonalds and Starbucks and BP and Tesco

Think about it Australia, in 20 years, I bet you a lentil to a yacht those sharp suited "successes" will have devoured themselves whole. They'll be as extinct as dinosaurs. The greed and the testosterone and the excess will just implode, drown in it's own anarchy like the last days of Rome. Also, I have a sneaky suspicion there'll be a gender imbalance. We can all move back in once the coast is clear and we'll make you "Honorary Head Country of Happiness" or something.

Who's in?










20 comments:

  1. I'm not sure the Native Australians would like it. Also I'm deathly afraid of spiders.

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  2. Yes please, Australia is a super place and I would love to move....warmth for a start....yes I know we have warmth here this week, but it'll soon be grey and wet again!
    Not to mention the "ruling class" and their ilk. We need a French revolution, but are getting a bit late for the gallows I think!

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  3. I think they'll have drowned in their own shit and rubbish with no one around to tidy up after them.

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  4. Hey, that sounds great. Bring your own bottle of plonk. Bring some food and a nice dish of fish. Lets all sing campfire songs. Not too sure about the heat though. A nice shady part of Australia. Maybe a few Gothic underground clubs as well. And plenty of diversity and individualism.

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    1. Sounds brilliant to me!! I'm all for a bit of Gothic Underground :D

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  5. I think my only issue would be the natives of Australia have had to deal with Britain dumping their undesirables into the country for enough years! But maybe if we actually treat them with a bit of compassion for tromping about on their country in the first place and not get them addicted to beer or shoot them, we may come to an understanding.

    Conversely, I'd be keen to go to Scotland or Iceland, actually. Maybe a timeshare in somewhere warm for the winter months? Will live there in exchange for painting and brewing beer and mead, I think it's a good exchange!

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  6. My own thoughts have been that if Scotland actually became an independent country, there would be a stampede of progressives, socialists and social democrats over the border.

    The alternative is that I go full-on mad scientist and build a floating island in the sky.

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    1. A bit like flying on the Airbus A380 to Australia! Lol.

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  7. Works for me, although I'd have to take the Norway option (I'd be willing to accept Canada or Alaska as an alternative). It'd be lovely to watch them collapse in on themselves.

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  8. That's a nice dream Sue, but it would be running away and admitting defeat, after all, why should the 'elite' have our home? Plus, imagine being the first born disabled person in Britain after all the other disabled people have gone to down-under. I couldn't inflict such a hell on an innocent person. We'd have to keep going back to rescue any vulnerable decent people that develop over the years!

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  9. ohhh! I am definitely in & I am sure it wouldn't take long for them to self destruct, and the UK transforms into Utopia, definition a country free of capitalists, all money grabbing sorts & governments of certain ilk.. I would be first on the boat.

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  10. Can't go to Aus. That's where my family live. It'd drive me insane. Plus, it's too fecking hot down there! I'll take Norway, please.

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  11. I'll stay here - in Scotland :) I have to place my YES vote so we can hopefully get independence!

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  12. As a born and bred Australian, I want all of you to know that you are most welcome. We have plenty of space! I don't know if you're aware that we have the world's best healthcare system that is sometimes subsidised but mostly free, and that we just established a National Disability Insurance Scheme. Also, it's one of the easiest countries in the world to find a job.

    As for the weather, we have everything from dry deserts in the centre to hot tropics in the north and icy Antarctic winds in the south - for those who can't stand the heat, my hometown of Melbourne drops below zero.

    Finally, if any of you do decide to come, and you have a bit of spare space in your luggage, please bring some fly spray. We're running out of the stuff.

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