Wednesday, 23 October 2013

One Life - 125 Clicks

Dear, dear friends. What remarkable people you are. You, many of whom have so little but care so much. I can hardly believe that as I type this, a total of £1,632 has been donated to a stranger, someone you don't even know, just because I said how much they needed you.

Days like today are what keep me going. And I feel a great sense of hope. I see how much so many of you want to DO something. Do practical things that make a difference, even if just in one life.

You can still donate here until midnight on Friday.

Anyway, the following is very, very, painful to read. It's a thank you blog the person sent me and asked if I would post to you all. *TRIGGER WARNING* for some, but this IS the reality of why I asked you. This is the desperation this person has felt for so, so, long . It's the desperation so many feel.

One Life – 125 clicks.

"I have lost count of the number of times I have done this. This desperate act of lining up the tablets, wondering if death will hurt more than life.

The times I have turned my face to the wall, staring into the blackness, hearing the screams of tormented souls inside my head.

The terror of sleep, the shear damnedness of waking to a life that had no meaning.

What is it that gives life meaning?

Is it worth? I feel worthless. I have no worth. I have no place in a society that asks and judges on what you can give, and cares not for what you need.

Is it happiness? Happiness has eluded me for many years, sometimes there are tiny moments, sunshine breaking through the black clouds, but these are fleeting moments, dead before they have time to grow.

Is it love? Does love give meaning to life? How many things are more beautiful for being shared? How many things are more bearable because someone listened, held your hand, wrapped their arms around you and promised that it would be ok.

Today, for me, people offered love.

That love said “Let me help, let me shoulder some of your burdens, let me take away some of your worries, let me – because I want to”.

Today 125 strangers clicked, 125 people took a small piece of my worries and made them vanish.

125 people cared, 125 people believed I was worth saving, 125 people offered unconditional love.

I'm still alone, I'm still ill, and it may take a huge amount of time to resolve all my problems, but I have 125 reasons to put the tablets back in the drawer and believe that one day the sun will shine again.

Saying “Thank you” will never be enough, but its all I have to give. 

Thanks, and the promise that I will continue to give as much as I can to prevent other people reaching for the tablets and turning their faces to the wall."


  1. Was my pleasure to help :-)

  2. “Love gives life to the lifeless. Love lights a flame in the heart that is cold. Love brings hope to the hopeless and gladdens the hearts of the sorrowful. In the world of existence there is indeed no greater power than the power of love”
    ― Abdu'l-Bahá
    So glad I could help in a small way. I am sure there were many more than 125 who send you love.

  3. You keep going, Sue! We appreciate you and thank you for it!!! xxx

  4. I will help on Friday but I wanted you to know that I am sending love to you as well as healing vibes.
    There is nothing worse than getting to the point were the "kit" comes out. Having people caring for you is a wonderful thing. It makes you see that there are reasons to carry on. Don't ever give up.
    A friend - x

  5. Dear mystery person,

    Sue said you needed help, and since you help Sue, and Sue helps all of us, then we help you.

    Reading your words, I realise we're so much the same. Politicians say: "We're all in this together" but they could never dream of what that means. This is what it means.

    I'm so glad I came across this when I was able to help a little bit.

    1. Pip says all i wanted to say, God bless. x

  6. Your words have brought tears to my eyes, wish I could have given more but rest assured you are in my thoughts and that your fight is my fight.

  7. Love in its broadest meaning makes the world go round. What we give today may come back to us someday when we need it. You need it today mystery researcher, but I may need it tomorrow and I know there will be people there for me when I do.

    1. I love that term 'Mystery Researcher' it makes her sound like a superhero. "Who was that mystery researcher?" I know that sounds flippant for such a serious subject but it's true, every single person who helps the cause is a superhero in every sense of the word. Every blog, every re-tweet, every penny, every email helps, and we would be nowhere without the research that goes behind it. I want to send all my love to everyone who does what they can. xxxxx

  8. *Sue Marsh* do you want some help. I'm a good researcher and have been working in the disability area for 7 years. My daughter is disabled, living with MS.

  9. Michelle - Always! Email me on

  10. Dear Mystery Researcher,
    That's the most eloquent 'thank you' I've been privileged to read. I'm glad you're sticking around and hope your health and other problems become easier to bear.

  11. "Love is the light that we all have within us.
    It only takes a single candle to light up the darkness.
    Light is so much more powerful than darkness."
    Thank you Sue & thank you mystery Researcher ~
    you write beautifuly ƸӜƷ

  12. Saw you on the telly today Sue, and for a while I never twigged because I read your blog often but only till recently, and then I recognised your name! You were very articulate and presented your case very well. They may not listen but when enough of us keep writing and speaking out, they all begin to look like heartless so and so's with not an ounce, nary a milligram, of compassion between them all.

  13. Sue,

    We have never met. I do not know you. We have never conversed. Indeed I have never even commented here on your blog. Yet somehow your writing, your eloquence and above all your compassion inspires in me a feeling of responsibility toward you. When I read your work, when I check in on your blog I feel exactly that. As though I'm checking in on a friend, making sure you're okay. It odd, of all the blogs and msm I read it is you I wish to help. It is you who makes me feel that I can make it through the next day week. For if you can fight so can I. I am grateful for that.
    Yet I haven't "checked in" on you in my usual anonymous way for over a week and thus I have missed this deadline to help someone you clearly have a great deal of respect for. I regret this and would llike to be able to help this friend of yours

  14. Please allow me to do so by either extending the donation button or perhaps letting me donate a small amount on a regular basis to this friend of yours who allows you to continue your work, which I enjoy so much.

  15. Totally demoralised with it all. Have just received a new esa form to check on my illness sent in a WHITE envelope not brown, much smaller sized form with less space to fill in everything but still the same inane questions about empty cardboard boxes and moving milk cartons. I only won my tribunal 9 months ago which recommended I was not to be reassed for 18 months. So I guess I will be going through the same procedure before and going through another tribunal. I am truly exhausted with fighting for help, I worked all my life I didn't ask to become ill, which has affected every part of my life and my families but this is how we are treated!!!!

    1. Unbelievable. This countries government have really sunk to a new low. I am ashamed. I actually hate this country, after saying i never would. I feel i would kill David Cameron for his total ignorance.