Friday, 15 June 2012

For Shame Clapham Junction

So, I just got in from Surrey, having given a grown up, Spartacus talky thing to Social Work lecturers at Royal Holloway University.

As if all that travelling malarkey isn't exhausting enough, the lifts were out at Clapham Junction and a porter faced with me, a cane and a heavy bag just shrugged and left me at the bottom of an endless flight of stairs.

He didn't come back and having watched two adjoining trains to beanbag-ville, Sussex, leave without me, I batted my eyelashes at a man mountain fella, asking him to carry my bag and crawled up the steps on all fours.

So, for anyone considering attending the Paralypics - including athletes, we're not quite there yet. You may want to reschedule until 3012

To cheer myself up on the ouchity-bumpity train journey back, I wrote some limericks about silly politicians. Hope they cheer you all up too.

It started with a dare that I couldn't write a limerick about Jeremy Hunt without dropping a c-bomb.....

There once was a dandy named Hunt,
who achieved an incredible stunt.
Though he lied through his teeth
He demanded belief
On deception he led from the front.


There once was a knobber called Dave
Who had a whole nation to save
He tried in morning
But soon started yawning
More fun to make poor people slaves


You know that ex-soldier called IDS?
His attachment to workfare and fibs?
Well his Nazi salutes 
And impeccable suits
Won't save the disabled wee kids


Oh Gideon give us a break
From your chums who are all on the take
If you must take our cash
Give it back in a flash
Or we'll show you the garlic and stake


And then there's the asshat called Grayling
Who's work programme seems to be failing
He eats little babies 
And lunches in Hades
But his favourite hobby's impaling. 


Oh Theresa now who have you spooked?
In your jackets that look like you puked? 
You've upset the police
Tell us when will it cease?
Or are we just all to be nuked?


  1. there is a strange woman called Miller
    whose disabled policy's a killer
    her pretence to consult
    just has the result
    of making us all a lot iller

  2. a sinister figure called freud
    said crips should all be employed
    he led peers astray
    to get his own way
    with dubious tactics deployed

  3. Clapham Junction has knowingly been the worst station in the world for a very very long time

  4. Excellent - love the limericks!

    Anna :o]

  5. Ha ha! They're great. Was going to ask if you could do Fraudy and Miller, but Anonymice have got there already, so thanks.
    What about Clegg, loyally still propping up the whole shebang? (sorry, I'm useless at rhymes; will leave it to better brains)

  6. a yellow bellied bloke called nick
    tried his best to hide from the stick
    his party were disgusted
    that he couldn't be trusted
    but were too scared to call him a pr**k

    by the anonymice

    1. Thanks Mice! very funny and true!

  7. There once was a lass called Sue
    There wasn’t much
    This Super-Woman couldn’t do
    She debated, she joked
    She blogged, and she spoke
    About disability benefits
    Being flushed down the loo

    Still on the subject of Sue
    The first blog I ever read
    Was her post about pooh
    It just so happened I was sick
    And could resonate just a bit!
    Because I had Campylobacter
    And was camped out in the loo

    Thank you Mrs Super-Sue
    Because you give us belief
    In what we can do
    To fight for the good
    And love like we should
    And not be brought down
    To the levels of, “You know who?”
    (Not Voldemot – but close!)

  8. Totally off topic, but I was wondering if it'd be worth trying to get Jack Osbourne on board the cause, now that he has been diagnosed with MS.
    Was remembering how, when the Government tried to sell off the ancient woodland, & the showbizz world stood up & stopped it from happening - seems more often than not, no one listens unless there are big names to back you in this X Factor world.

    1. Exactly. Just where are all the celebs who could be supporting us? Some of them must have sick or disabled family members affected by this?

  9. There is a psycho MP called Grayling,
    Who said he could sort out the ailing,
    He cried "they are not sick"!,
    They just need my big stick,
    Till the Judge handed down a long jailing.

    Anon y Mice

  10. There once was a Christian called Smith
    Who started a disasterous myth
    That those who are sick in their bed
    Are really just swinging the lead
    But god said: now he's just taking the pith!