It's one of "those" mornings.
You know when you wake up, stretch, think comfy thoughts, smile a bit. Then your brain wakes up? One by one, thoughts like hand grenades, explode the duvet-draped myth that this could in any way be a good day.
I hate that. As the saying goes, "When troubles come they come not single spies but in battallions"
To stick with a military analogy, I'm surrounded on all sides, temporarily outflanked on the right, outnumbered and ill equipped for the battle.
I have a few brave allies and my ammo is reduced to words.
If it was possible to fight all of these battles at once in an orderly, methodical fashion, it might be easier, but peeking out from under the duvet, it's all I can do to make a start. I sip a first cup of tea every morning, waiting for the huge lump of panic to subside, deciding not which battles are the most urgent, but which I can mange - either physically or emotionally on that particular day.
After a while, on auto-pilot, I pick up the phone, sift through one or two of the many, many files containing my future and start dialling. I hold on lines, I get passed from this department to that. I am adjourned, delayed and postponed. Call backs don't call back and appointments never materialise.
And all because I shook my insignificant little fists at very, very, very, bad men. All because I spoke out. All because I decided enough was enough.
This sticking your head above the parapet thing is not all it's cracked up to be, I can tell you. Truth is totally irrelevant. They can and will do whatever it takes, these "baddies" (as my 4 year old might describe them) and then the onus is on you to prove them wrong.
Even if I could write about it all here, I imagine very few of you would actually believe me.
But I may have to hope that you do soon enough. I've got you lot and a laptop and I'd better cross all of my fingers to make sure neither fail me.
**I wrote this during the last minute frenzy of the Spartacus Report campaign. You took it as meant at the time, a a joke, but it was never a joke, it was a pre-emptive strike. http://diaryofabenefitscrounger.blogspot.co.uk/2011/12/men-in-black.html
***********
As I've mentioned before, please don't hypothesise or assume about who I'm writing about here. You all know well there are plenty of different people I've offended, many cages I've rattled. For legal reasons, I have to remain vague
Hello,
ReplyDeleteAs you say it's dangerous to speculate about what you're going through but I wish you strength to handle it all.
I found myself running away from a situation this morning and running away doesn't seem to bring safety or comfort either! So plenty of respect to you for taking on the battle and may you be victorious.
It is horrible that people who need assistance not only have to fight to get it but sometimes just find themselves with more problems than they had to start with.
Much love, support and respect to you, Sue. As always.
ReplyDeleteI am never sticking my head above the parapet again. Ended up with crazy disablist racist stalker who knows what my child looks like.
ReplyDeleteRiven
Ah, the bad guys who try to shut us up with very real threats... I, as you and many more, stepped over that invisible line a long time ago; from a place we can never return. For me it was when I started to use my journalistic and writing skills to help other people much more some five years ago in various fields... When my anonymity was compromised I had to make a decision; remain anonymous and do the basics or keep fighting for what I knew was right. For me the choice was easy because every time they threatened me it made my resolve stronger... *hugs* to you Sue...
ReplyDeleteHappy to help any time. Just let me know.
ReplyDeleteSue, good luck to you.
ReplyDeleteIf you need any help from your spartaci, we're just a tweet away.
Take care and God bless xx
http://www.dailyrecord.co.uk/news/politics-news/2012/06/17/fury-over-1m-bonus-for-chief-exec-of-controversial-sickness-benefit-test-company-86908-23896877/
ReplyDeleteI hope that when you have won, you will be able to write about it all. In the meantime, am sending cyber-hugs. A lot of people are very cryptic about their problems and it drives me crazy with curiosity, but I still send the cyber-hugs.
ReplyDeleteHoly crap. Good luck, and do ask for any help you need. Much love.
ReplyDeleteI too send you mega cyber-hugs. You are an inspiration to me. My disablity/illnesses is not the same as yours, but I feel so much for you, your pain and what you and your family are going through. I too in my own way have stuck my head above the parapet many times in speaking the truth, and my autistic son and I have been hurt many times because of it, by all sorts of people including many so called "professionals". I too hate each day because of the new battles I have to fight for my son and I and it's getting harder and harder. I am dreading the onslaught of 2013 and PIP. I want to thank you and all your helpers and supporters very much for such relentless hard work in producing such a brilliant Spartacus Report. I just wish the government had taken notice. Take Care and God Bless. x
ReplyDeleteI think Skype is still pretty much free from government spying if you want to let off steam to a few peeps. It's useful to have. I mention this merely in passing :-) Tra-la-la :-) And if the authorities are threatening you overtly now, well, that's very encouraging, it shows how vulnerable they feel they are. If you're scared Sue, think how they feel, they must be terrified!
ReplyDeleteI feel like I have gotten to know you over the last 1 1/2 years enough to say you will not let the baddies win ;-); I hope you know that you have many people behind you and we will do all we can to help and have your back. Gentle hugs to you and your family Sue! xxoo
ReplyDeleteyou cant stop now, yes its going to be difficult but you have faced worse. the power of twitter and ur blogs will see notonly you through these tough times but countless others as well. i believe they are also keeping tabs on many who read your blog and twitter but what the hey. its very advantageous to be disliked cause everyone will want to know why and that is the ace up ur sleeve
ReplyDeleteWe all get threatened every now and then i have been for years on and off nothing new here although personally i would rather live in Syria or the like and know my enemy that's preferable in my eyes
ReplyDeleteSending you good wishes Sue.
ReplyDeleteOh goodness. Hard to know what to say except the very best of luck, strength, and I hope and trust, some good legal support.
ReplyDeleteI don't know how you keep going, you are a one-off. Deepest thanks, and take care.