Figures released this morning show an unexpected surge in UK growth.
Growth, which had previously been falling, surged by a whopping 1.6% in the 1st quarter of 2011.
With unemployment rising, inflation at over 4%, and cuts set to hit the economy from this morning, the UK chancellor, George Gideon Oliver Osborne, heir to the baronetcy of Ballentaylor and Ballylemon said in a statement that :
"This totally vindicates my fingers-crossed economics. We've introduced no fewer than 1500 new confidence fairies and planted 12,000 new money-trees. Today's growth figures can only show that high unemployment, high inflation, raising VAT, pulling loans and grants and cutting public services are the only way to create an affluent, thriving society."
Tomorrow, in a statement to the treasury, Mr Osborne will lay out his plans to turn water into wine and introduce an incredible new goose to the front benches. The goose is said to lay golden eggs and is the next stage in Mr Osborne's plan for maintaining today's unexpected recovery.