Tuesday 3 June 2014

Suey's Electrolyte Slammers

Quite accidentally, I discovered a few weeks ago that is not, in fact, just the Tequillas in Tequilla slammers that make you high, it's actually the slammy bit!

It now seems so blindingly obvious, I'm kicking myself, but to be fair, if tequila slammers have ever mamboed into my life I haven't really been thinking about science or electrolytes.

So how did I come to this blinding realisation? Hard though it is to believe, it was actually recommended by a doctor and everything.

Totally paradoxically, I've learnt recently that I actually have to limit the amount of fluids I take in and that drinking too many fluids will actually dehydrate me. I know. Only I could have a body that capricious. I mean, you'd never have taken even the wildest guess that dehydration might be worth a go would you? You feel rough you drink plenty, everyone knows that.

But, yet again, The Duchess du Crohn flicks her fan of whimsy at me.

So just like athletes (oh the irony) I need to replace lost salts and sugars in my blood all the time. And for once in it's verbose life, in NHS speak"salts" really does mean, salt and "sugars" means sugars. It's so cheap it's practically free, so you just make it at home, you don't have to buy expensive sachets or drinks.

Now here's the science bit. Actually it's in no way sciencey, I'm not sure I'm quite on top of that brief yet, but it's sciencey to me :

Add a bit of citrus and the whole concoction *bubbles and fizzes into life-force.

So if you will, from now on imagine me standing in the kitchen literally with salt on the back of my hand, the juice of a grapefruit in a glass and a jar of honey at the ready. I actually do lick the salt off the back of my hand. Then, I slam down the grapefruit juice - let me just say if you've never done this, do it just once, it's intense! - then I shove a spoon of **honey in my mouth.

I just had this feeling many of you lovely readers would get a certain amount of pleasure from imagining me in my kitchen, lining up my electrolyte-shots and squealing with a sort of pleasure-pain combo only salt and grapefruit can give. I literally shudder and whoop in exactly the same stages as you do when Tequilla is involved.

And they make you feel AWESOME! I have absolutely no idea if this should be done at home by averagely well humans or not - I suspect not, nothing fun ever should - but for a few minutes I feel like a bored 1970s suburban housewife on speed.

The fact that it's ***doctor approved is just a bonus really.

*It doesn't actually bubble and fizz, I was being artistic
** I don't really use honey, I use Golden Syrup because it's yummy, but I thought honey made me look better
*** The actual treatment for short bowel syndrome is called St Mark's Formula. It is not the same as the regime I explain above. You find out more here. http://www.gloshospitals.nhs.uk/SharePoint5/Patient%20Information%20Leaflets/GHPI0247.pdf the
**** I just had the peach because they're yummy.


  1. I've had this problem, I almost died before finding out that actually, I should be eating quite a lot of salt. This is why mainstream healthy eating advice just annoys me now. It did nearly kill me, so annoyance is probably the least it deserves!

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  3. If I could just pick a tiny nit in your otherwise excellent post, you appear to have confused a tequila slammer with a tequila shot taken with salt and lime/lemon. A tequila slammer is a shot of tequila mixed with something fizzy (like sprite) which is then slammed down on a hard surface (with your hand covering the top) to make it fizz up. You then neck the fizzy mixture and it's supposed to get you drunk faster.

    Taking a shot of tequila with salt and lime doesn't seem to have a name, other than taking a shot of tequila.

    Right, nit picked, carry on!

    1. Not exactly as the fizzy sweet liquid performs the job of the lemonade )

  4. I just tried this with lemon juice and (actual) honey. Nice!! I might trial it; I really struggle with dehydration and it seems not to matter how much water I drink...

  5. Hi - I thought you might be interested in this book on Amazon, 'Controlling Crohn's Disease: The Natural Way ' Virginia Harper
    4.5 out of 5 stars, it's one form of macrobiotic diet; also seaweeds like have been recognised for centuries to promote healing, like Kombu/Kelp. I operate a blog about nutritional stem cell enhancement as well - http://www.adult-stemcell.com. I just found you accidently after surfing a labour site . This review mentions a Ginny Harper - no idea who she is, maybe she's in the book
    One of the reviews: My nephew has Crohn's disease. His condition became critical - he was not responding to the steroids, and was developing osteoporosis as a side effect of them. The only option offered by his doctor was surgery to remove his colon and live with a stoma bag instead. At 23 years old, he felt he would rather die. Ginny Harper has devoted her life to helping others, and he went to spend almost three months with her. When he came home he was fit and active, the pain and bleeding had stopped. His consultant was astounded when she performed a colonoscopy and saw how much improved he was. He continues to improve and is now inspired to help others as he was helped.
    Hope it helps - god bless