Quite accidentally, I discovered a few weeks ago that is not, in fact, just the Tequillas in Tequilla slammers that make you high, it's actually the slammy bit!
It now seems so blindingly obvious, I'm kicking myself, but to be fair, if tequila slammers have ever mamboed into my life I haven't really been thinking about science or electrolytes.
So how did I come to this blinding realisation? Hard though it is to believe, it was actually recommended by a doctor and everything.
Totally paradoxically, I've learnt recently that I actually have to limit the amount of fluids I take in and that drinking too many fluids will actually dehydrate me. I know. Only I could have a body that capricious. I mean, you'd never have taken even the wildest guess that dehydration might be worth a go would you? You feel rough you drink plenty, everyone knows that.
But, yet again, The Duchess du Crohn flicks her fan of whimsy at me.
So just like athletes (oh the irony) I need to replace lost salts and sugars in my blood all the time. And for once in it's verbose life, in NHS speak"salts" really does mean, salt and "sugars" means sugars. It's so cheap it's practically free, so you just make it at home, you don't have to buy expensive sachets or drinks.
Now here's the science bit. Actually it's in no way sciencey, I'm not sure I'm quite on top of that brief yet, but it's sciencey to me :
Add a bit of citrus and the whole concoction *bubbles and fizzes into life-force.
So if you will, from now on imagine me standing in the kitchen literally with salt on the back of my hand, the juice of a grapefruit in a glass and a jar of honey at the ready. I actually do lick the salt off the back of my hand. Then, I slam down the grapefruit juice - let me just say if you've never done this, do it just once, it's intense! - then I shove a spoon of **honey in my mouth.
I just had this feeling many of you lovely readers would get a certain amount of pleasure from imagining me in my kitchen, lining up my electrolyte-shots and squealing with a sort of pleasure-pain combo only salt and grapefruit can give. I literally shudder and whoop in exactly the same stages as you do when Tequilla is involved.
And they make you feel AWESOME! I have absolutely no idea if this should be done at home by averagely well humans or not - I suspect not, nothing fun ever should - but for a few minutes I feel like a bored 1970s suburban housewife on speed.
The fact that it's ***doctor approved is just a bonus really.
*It doesn't actually bubble and fizz, I was being artistic
** I don't really use honey, I use Golden Syrup because it's yummy, but I thought honey made me look better
*** The actual treatment for short bowel syndrome is called St Mark's Formula. It is not the same as the regime I explain above. You find out more here. http://www.gloshospitals.nhs.uk/SharePoint5/Patient%20Information%20Leaflets/GHPI0247.pdf the
**** I just had the peach because they're yummy.