As if all that travelling malarkey isn't exhausting enough, the lifts were out at Clapham Junction and a porter faced with me, a cane and a heavy bag just shrugged and left me at the bottom of an endless flight of stairs.
He didn't come back and having watched two adjoining trains to beanbag-ville, Sussex, leave without me, I batted my eyelashes at a man mountain fella, asking him to carry my bag and crawled up the steps on all fours.
So, for anyone considering attending the Paralypics - including athletes, we're not quite there yet. You may want to reschedule until 3012
To cheer myself up on the ouchity-bumpity train journey back, I wrote some limericks about silly politicians. Hope they cheer you all up too.
It started with a dare that I couldn't write a limerick about Jeremy Hunt without dropping a c-bomb.....
There once was a dandy named Hunt,
who achieved an incredible stunt.
Though he lied through his teeth
He demanded belief
On deception he led from the front.
******
There once was a knobber called Dave
Who had a whole nation to save
He tried in morning
But soon started yawning
More fun to make poor people slaves
******
You know that ex-soldier called IDS?
His attachment to workfare and fibs?
Well his Nazi salutes
And impeccable suits
Won't save the disabled wee kids
******
Oh Gideon give us a break
From your chums who are all on the take
If you must take our cash
Give it back in a flash
Or we'll show you the garlic and stake
******
And then there's the asshat called Grayling
Who's work programme seems to be failing
He eats little babies
And lunches in Hades
But his favourite hobby's impaling.
******
Oh Theresa now who have you spooked?
In your jackets that look like you puked?
You've upset the police
Tell us when will it cease?
Or are we just all to be nuked?
Love it.
ReplyDeletethere is a strange woman called Miller
ReplyDeletewhose disabled policy's a killer
her pretence to consult
just has the result
of making us all a lot iller
a sinister figure called freud
ReplyDeletesaid crips should all be employed
he led peers astray
to get his own way
with dubious tactics deployed
Clapham Junction has knowingly been the worst station in the world for a very very long time
ReplyDeleteExcellent - love the limericks!
ReplyDeleteAnna :o]
Ha ha! They're great. Was going to ask if you could do Fraudy and Miller, but Anonymice have got there already, so thanks.
ReplyDeleteWhat about Clegg, loyally still propping up the whole shebang? (sorry, I'm useless at rhymes; will leave it to better brains)
a yellow bellied bloke called nick
ReplyDeletetried his best to hide from the stick
his party were disgusted
that he couldn't be trusted
but were too scared to call him a pr**k
by the anonymice
Thanks Mice! very funny and true!
DeleteThere once was a lass called Sue
ReplyDeleteThere wasn’t much
This Super-Woman couldn’t do
She debated, she joked
She blogged, and she spoke
About disability benefits
Being flushed down the loo
Still on the subject of Sue
The first blog I ever read
Was her post about pooh
It just so happened I was sick
And could resonate just a bit!
Because I had Campylobacter
And was camped out in the loo
Thank you Mrs Super-Sue
Because you give us belief
In what we can do
To fight for the good
And love like we should
And not be brought down
To the levels of, “You know who?”
(Not Voldemot – but close!)
Totally off topic, but I was wondering if it'd be worth trying to get Jack Osbourne on board the cause, now that he has been diagnosed with MS.
ReplyDeleteWas remembering how, when the Government tried to sell off the ancient woodland, & the showbizz world stood up & stopped it from happening - seems more often than not, no one listens unless there are big names to back you in this X Factor world.
Exactly. Just where are all the celebs who could be supporting us? Some of them must have sick or disabled family members affected by this?
DeleteThere is a psycho MP called Grayling,
ReplyDeleteWho said he could sort out the ailing,
He cried "they are not sick"!,
They just need my big stick,
Till the Judge handed down a long jailing.
Anon y Mice
There once was a Christian called Smith
ReplyDeleteWho started a disasterous myth
That those who are sick in their bed
Are really just swinging the lead
But god said: now he's just taking the pith!