A friend sent me this on twitter yesterday, and I thought it might make you smile. (The role of Jesus currently played by a large private IT company....)
Ex-Leper: Okay, sir, my final offer: half a shekel for an old ex-leper?
Brian: Did you say "ex-leper"?
Ex-Leper: That's right, sir, 16 years behind a veil and proud of it, sir.
Brian: Well, what happened?
Ex-Leper: Oh, cured, sir.
Brian: Cured?
Ex-Leper: Yes sir, bloody miracle, sir. Bless you!
Brian: Who cured you?
Ex-Leper: Jesus did, sir. I was hopping along, minding my own business, all of a sudden, up he comes, cures me! One minute I'm a leper with a trade, next minute my livelihood's gone. Not so much as a by-your-leave! "You're cured, mate." Bloody do-gooder.
Brian: Well, why don't you go and tell him you want to be a leper again?
Ex-Leper: Uh, I could do that sir, yeah. Yeah, I could do that I suppose. What I was thinking was I was going to ask him if he could make me a bit lame in one leg during the middle of the week. You know, something beggable, but not leprosy, which is a pain in the ass to be blunt and excuse my French, sir.
Hat tip to @chocolatewig and of course Life of Brian, by Monty Python
It would be remiss of me not to leave you with this :
Problem is now you have put this up labour or the Tories will say I met a leper once he looked like he could work to me.
ReplyDeleteold one for you off the webbie
ReplyDeleteParalympic plane crash
Three disabled guys (a blind man, an amputee, and a guy in a wheelchair) are flying back with the USA team from the Paralympic games in the Middle East when their plane crashes in the Sahara Desert.
The three disabled guys (the only survivors) are now stranded and wait for someone to rescue them, but no one showed.
They start to get real thirsty, so they decide to seek out water. The amputee leads the way, with the blind man pushing the guy in the wheelchair; and, eventually they find an oasis.
The amputee leader goes into the water first, cools himself down, drinks a load of water, walks out the other side and lo and behold, he has a NEW LEG! He gets excited and encourages his friends to do the same.
The blind man offers to push the guy in the wheelchair, but he gets refused because the guy in the chair wants to be Mr Independent and insists the blind man goes ahead first. So he goes into the water, cools himself down, drinks a load of water, walks out the other side and lo and behold, he can SEE!
Now the guy in the wheelchair's getting really excited, starts pushing with all his might, goes into the water, cools himself down, drinks a load of water, and wheels out the other side. Lo and behold, NEW TYRES!!!
Jesus could cure people using miracles but even he would be hard pressed to find them work
ReplyDeletedepends he's short of angels
ReplyDeleteI was "cured" this year due to a bureaucratic error. It was very exciting!
ReplyDeleteEven after sorting everything out, due to more errors with the dates, to this day I remain officially "cured" for a whole 5 days this year. Miracles are wonderful things!
I once had the experience of being cured! Within days or was it hours I stated to receive brown envelopes proudly informing me of my full rent and community charge to be payable immediately and of course no longer eligible for this and that. Within months or was it years I was found not to be cured after all. … always look on the bright side of life…
ReplyDeleteI've seen a few of those of late down the charity, seems Labour and the Tories are great with miracles.
ReplyDeleteI know this is just a joke - but leprosy actually is very curable these days. Which is why it isn't a problem in this country, sadly unlike the masses of incurable diseases suffered by thousands of those soon to lose their incapacity benefit.
ReplyDeleteFrench disability benefits explained
ReplyDeletehttp://www.connexionfrance.com/disability-benefits-france-10531-news-article.html
The Netherlands empower their sick and disabled resulting in more satisfaction among claimants
ReplyDeletehttp://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3173646/
What did the coalition do for us then eh,
ReplyDeleteWell they took away..........
Brian: You have to be different!
ReplyDeleteThe Crowd: Yes, we are all different!
Small lonely voice: I'm not!
Looks to me like the dutch thing was a faluire and wont be rolled out or am i reading it wrong
ReplyDeleteCuts on Personal Budgets in the Netherlands - ENIL calls for action
ReplyDeleteThe effects of the crisis on disability policy worsen every week. After protests against cuts in Germany, Ireland and the U.K., we even received very disturbing news from so called 'example countries' as Sweden and Norway. Since the beginning of this week we hear rumors about serious slashing in the personal budgets in the Netherlands. 90% of the persons who organize their support and care with a personal budget would lose it ... This is not a bad joke, but bitter reality!
On Wednesday, the government agreed to cut costs on personal healthcare budgets by removing the payment altogether from 117,000 people. Starting in 2014, only people classified as needing residential care will have the right to work with a personal care budget, which is used to help them live independently.MP's have described the cuts as 'incomprehensible' and as an 'unheard of attack on the right to health services'.
Cuts in Sweden, Germany, UK, France, every EU country are having massive cuts to disability.
Sadly we are the target across the whole world.
Anonymous 00.38 - I THINK the point was that they had thought by explaining the whole process of assessment it would empower the sick and disabled, and make them more involved and therefore accepting of the process.
ReplyDeleteThe study confounded that hypothesis, and in fact, the opposite happened, claimants became MORE hostile to assessment.
The very fact they did this kind of study at all seemed v impressive to me, as our gov don't seem to care at all about this kind of detailed evidence and research. I certainly can't imagine them publishing one that went against their views.
The fact they were at least searching for ways to empower and improve the assessment process struck me as so very different from here.
Interesting on Labourlist now.
ReplyDeleteLabour are seen as the party of the poor, the immigrant and the benefit cheat, so the middle ground is wide open, the middle ground is where New labour sought it votes and it's money.
So Miliband is the leader of a middle of the Road Newer labour or as we called it Blairite New Labour Party,which still see people as benefit cheats even if they are only saying it seems.
I'm about two minutes away from joining the Tories.
That leper should be on the Work Programme.
ReplyDelete